Chapter 1.

She would only tell me "I love you" in the darkest hours of the night, in the smallest voice, a child's voice. She wouldn't let herself the luxury of saying it out loud, audible only to the closest listener.

"What did you say?" I would ask, and she would not reply, feigning sleep. Glancing over at the clock I would note the time, three in the morning.

Plausible deniability was a big part of our relationship. Neither one of us would commit to anything if we didn't  have to. And yet, it was the closest I ever came to true love.

It started with a bang. We were introduced by a mutual friend, Anne, who was a tall, curvy brunette with the most beautiful face I had ever seen. She didn't want to get involved with me though, she just wanted to be friends. "But I have this really cool friend whom I think you would really like" she told me. Great. I've been there before, left on the side of the road holding the spare tire while the girl I was really hoping to take a ride with drives off without me. So I decided, why not? I'll take my consolation prize and have fun either way.

Anne set up a date for me to meet her friend, Amy. We were neighbors at the time, Anne and I, she invited me over to her place to smoke before we would go to the concert together as a group. My friend Joe, Anne, Amy and myself.

Anne didn't tell me that Amy was going to be at her place, though. It was an ambush. I didn't have my guard up at all when I walked up the stairs to her room. They were just laying there on her bed, freshly wrapped in french lingerie, made up like a couple of my-size barbie dolls that just went through the devil's school of seduction. How did I get into this situation so fast?

"Take it easy" I said to myself, "this can't be what I think it is."

"Take a seat" Anne said, "this is my friend, Amy."

"Nice to meet you, Amy." I said, shaking her hand as I looked into her wide, innocent eyes.

"We are still getting ready, I hope you don't mind waiting a little. I just bought this stuff, I haven't smoked it yet so I don't know if it's any good." Anne said as she put a blossom into her purple grinder.

"Here, why don't you let me do that." Amy told Anne authoritatively with a little chuckle and a smile to ease the gesture. She shot a glance in my direction as she tightened her glossy lips, exposing her shiny white teeth. She probably had braces growing up. I've always found braces endearingly sexy.

It was torturous. Anne had a boyfriend at the time and I knew the guy, so I couldn't very well start making moves on his girl friend. And I just met, this instant, Amy. I hold myself to the standard of a gentleman, so I didn't want to stare, but these girls were fully aware of their hold on me. They writhed on the bed, arching their backs and rubbing their thighs and calves together as they lay together. I can't say if Amy was biting her lip or not.

"Be calm" I told myself, "this can't go on forever." But how long were they going to just lay there in their lace bras and thigh-highs? I couldn't look, and I couldn't look away. My heart raced and boomed in my chest, "surely they can see my veins pulsing, surely the can hear the deafening drum of the blood draining from my mind to lower regions" I thought to myself. But they denied me any recognition and passed the joint in unaffected indifference.

"Thank God, maybe this will help me calm down a bit" I reasoned.  I took a deep drag and held it in. The herb was thick and sticky, gumming up my thoughts even more. It hit me immediately, I felt the shivers go down my neck and the paranoia set in. I could see these two half naked temptresses watching me indirectly, out of the corners of their black-lined eyes.

Anne grabbed me first by the arm and pulled me down onto the bed and started to kiss me. Amy climbed on top, straddling me, and started to kiss my chest. I didn't know where I was anymore. All I knew was that I was the object of their desire. It was a blinding force, like a tidal wave over my entire body, washing away all thoughts and emotions, leaving nothing but dim confusion and acceptance.

Their hands were everywhere. I was sure there were more than four, but I couldn't open my eyes to  confirm. I was in the clutches of the great hungry beast of passion and I dared not defy her.

"Hey guys, you ready?" Joe called up from down stairs. And in an instant the girls were on their feet, fully dressed, looking down at me saying,

"Are you coming?"

They turned off the light on their way out, leaving me alone in the dark, reeling.